don’t buy me presents ever ugh because I can’t help being ungrateful and loathe the predicament I’m in when I don’t like it
so it’s my birthday right and my mom wanted to get me something from Tiffany and Co. (yeah for the first fuckin time ever.. my mom is actually trying to buy me expensive shit.) Anyway, I looked at everything, didn’t like anything besides stuff with pearls (but those are waaaayyyy expensive). So after struggling a few days, I just told my mom ” hey, honestly.. I don’t really like any of their current collection because none of it just really fits my style. It’s ok mom, I don’t really need anything from Tiffany’s.” I already felt bad about her paying for my birthday dinner for everyone and there’s no point buying something I don’t absolutely love. (That’s a tip to follow by the way.. take it from Vivienne Westwood ;) )
She’s cool about it like “ok, I’ll just hold onto your choice until you do like something and I’ll get it for you then” which sounded pretty good to me. Great. Awesome. Fuckin perfect. I got out of an already precarious situation.
My mom shows up today with some tiffany’s. Fuck. I’m all mixed feelings; Half “aww she still tried to get me something” and half “fuck… what if it’s one of the girly heart shaped shit… I’m going to be expected to wear it. fml”. Yeah, I feel horrible and guilty for being a bag of shit like this but man… it just feels like being put into more “like it to please my mom” kind of slavery. The kind we all put ourselves in to make your rents happy. At least I do… I’ve spent like nearly all 2 decades of my life living like this.
Sigh… sometimes I wish I was normal and girly and white washed just so I can be into this stuff and not be such a disappointment. I just… it’s not an awful necklace.. it’s not ugly… it’s just I’ll be expected to wear it often and all the time around her to prove “I LIKE IT”. And god, knowing me… when the hell do I every wear day to day jewelry that isn’t tomboyish/punkish/etc.
I can’t ask my mom to exchange because besides the dread of making such a request, experience has shown me that it gets ugly. From a stranger’s perspective, I’m sure we can make the educated guess that anger and hurt would result from such a question. But also, my mother is quite mean, angry and stingy. If I EVER dare raise such a question (again) she lashes out and she will never buy me shit again and if she does, she will bitch so goddamn much… where the fuck is your pride in even bothering with her.
And I just think about all these turns of events and I’m trapped.
Just don’t fucking buy me presents. I’m horrible and I hate having things I don’t need or like. If you really fucking have to get me something, just ask me. Honestly, I’m not going to fucking hold it against you unless you’re fam or a close friend. But in that case, you should already have a good idea… if not, you know I’m a pig. my sis got me a bigass box of macarons today and I’m pretty fuckin satisfied lmao. They’re from my favourite bakery which NO other fuckin place can compare bitchesfightmeonthat.
and yeah I’m a terrible shitty ingrate that doesn’t deserve presents